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It wasn’t because I felt threatened, because that wasn’t the case. My thought was; to be forewarned was to be forearmed.
I don’t remember how the conversation came around, but it probably had something to do with the news paper, about a wife being beaten by her husband.
At the time, we were engaged to be married, and this seemed like the appropriate opportunity to make my statement.
It was short and sweet. “I don’t expect you to ever hit me, but if you ever do, the first time will be the last time, because I will be gone before you can hit me again.”
We never spoke of this after that, and through the years, there may have been a time or two that he wished he could hit me; like the time he hit the wall instead, and made a hole that needed to be patched. - - But physically hit me; NO he never did.
He has been a kind and loving husband - - most of the time. We do not argue or fignt but there are times we may get a bit angry with one another! But we have learned to walk in forgiveness.
Besides physical abuse, there are other ways to hurt your spouse, and that includes verbal abuse, and the silent treatment. Oh no, that silent treatment is not good.
One day, I was at my computer with my wallet open and my credit cards visible. I was printing a receipt for a charity gift I had just made on the internet.
Behind me, I heard a voice, “What are you doing now?” my husband barked at me, as his blood pressure went up several decimals. I won’t include all the rest of his speech, but it lasted about 5 minutes, as to why I shouldn’t do this because of all the scams, and how we are on a budget and we need to pinch every penny.
Talking about the wind being knocked out of your sails - - that was me. I explained to my husband that it was for a good cause, and I was depending on those persons involved who I trusted, that it was a legitimate charity.
I was reminded about the story of Abigail in the Bible, (1 Samuel 25,) who brought King David food, but she did not tell her husband right away. Her husband had refused to contribute provisions to King David, and she knew this was not right. In fact she was troubled for the safely of her household due to her husbands selfishness. So she decided to take matters into her own hands. She did what she knew had to be done, even though she knew her husband did NOT approve!
The next day, after delivering her bounty to the King, she told her husband what she had done. What happened next was shocking to say the least.
Her husband was so angry, that his blood pressure hit sky high, and because of that he suffered a stroke, and fell over dead.
This Bible story illustrated to me, that there may be occasions when it is better at times to hold off sharing with your husband, your small gifts to charity, at least until a better day.
Timing is crucial, if you value keeping him alive.
3 comments:
Abuse of any kind is just that...abuse, and does not demonstrate true love. But,praise God that He gives us guidance and direction when we look to Him. A wise woman chooses soft words and follows God's timing. The Lord knows. He sees. He loves.
Blessings Hazel!
I'll admit that most of the time my wife and women in general are closer to the heart of God and what He desires for a couple. Life, work, and testosterone get in the way of our spirit sometimes. Thank God for women like you and my wife. I too can get irritated, but I've learned to mostly trust. Great point and illustration.
Dave and I rarely have an argument or "fight" of any kind. Not that we shouldn't, sometimes deal heavily with an issue, but he really doesn't want to fuss much, and I feel so blessed to have him that I don't want to bring something up to create a problem. We're not perfect... and, just like your husband, he did hit a wall shortly after we married, but it was outside so it didn't have to be repaired.
My former marriage was much, much worse. He didn't "hit" me... physically. But he wounded me significantly; he admitted to a counselor once that his main goal for 2 years in California was to get me to commit suicide so people would think his wife was crazy and would take care of him and his kids. He also had many affairs. When he began to abuse the kids much more physically in Oklahoma, that's when the Lord told me to get out. Looking back, there were seldom good stretches. And he was a Christian.
If nothing else, that's why I'm really kind and loving and appreciative of my dear husband. All I have to do is remember some small bits and pieces I lived through for those previous 15 years, and I just need to submit and respect him more than I ever thought would be possible considering my background. He IS good!!! And I'm glad I got him instead of anyone else. [And he's glad he was given me. That's nice to know.]
Know this is long... maybe too long... but it certainly fits into what you were sharing about abuse. The old "been there, done that" is very true.
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